Squishy Feelings
by LiL PriNCeSs Me
Summary: But sometimes he couldn't help but wonder… Could he really be that useless? That worthless? He was just as valuable to the team as any of them. He.. He was still their brother. Michelangelo sits alone one night thinking about his role in the family and team. Set in the 2012 cartoon.


My first new story in a really long time! At least, the first new story I'm posting. Haha. I'm really into the new TMNT right now so I wanted to write something. I am currently working on a human AU, but this little thing came to mind while writing that so I just had to get this out of my system. I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own ninja turtles.

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There was that pain again. It hurt. A lot. Sometimes it was a dull aching in his chest. Sometimes it felt like he was being stabbed over and over again. Like his heart was being torn out and shattered. It was happening more and more these days.

It never used to happen like this.

Although their irritation at his jokes or shots at his intelligence stung, he knew they didn't mean to hurt him. His brothers were just lashing out at Michelangelo's own antics (and sometimes he most likely deserved it). They probably didn't even know what they were doing to him, maybe even Raph. Maybe.

But sometimes he couldn't help but wonder…

Could he really be that useless? That worthless?

No.

He was just as valuable to the team as any of them. He.. He was still their brother.

He loved his bros, and he knew they loved him. At least he liked to think so. No, they totally did! Just sometimes they thought he was annoying. Okay, most of the time they thought he was a nuisance. But he couldn't help it. And he still had to try to lighten the mood somehow. It's just who he was. Just like how Raph yelled and beat stuff up all the time; and Donnie was always doing something brainy on his computer or making new gadgets; and Leo liked his Space Heroes, and training and meditating.

They were all different.

They all accepted each other's quirks and flaws, but why did it seem that the older three could barely tolerate their baby brother? Why did it feel like he had to work extra hard to belong?

Michelangelo took a sharp painful breath. Tears stung his eyes and threatened to fall. He quickly blinked them away. Like he always did. As much as he knew that they couldn't stand his pranks, they still needed him. Whether they knew it or not. They needed his smile. He knew that much. As long as they thought everything was okay, then it was cool. He knew that he could at least cheer them up, if nothing more. As long as he didn't take it too far.

But sometimes he did.

He rubbed his arm where Raph punched him earlier. It didn't hurt, not really.

He just messed everything up all the time.

He wished his brothers liked him. They tolerated him as much as they did because he was their brother. They had to. They really didn't have any other choice in the matter.

Where would his older brothers be without him? He knew. They could be too serious most of the time, it wasn't good for them. He wanted to be their sunshine in the dark. He tried so hard. He knew they would eventually fade away, succumbing to whatever darkness held onto their hearts. Spiraling into their own dark pits of despair. And that's why he kept smiling. Without his bright smile, they probably would never smile themselves. They didn't appreciate it. They didn't even know what their little brother was doing for them.

They each had their own inner turmoil they dealt with on a daily basis.

So he'd just grin and bear it. For them.

There was a twinge in his chest. He placed his hand over it. His soft squishy heart had been squished too much. The pain was starting to become unbearable.

What could he do?

They already had an insanely smart brother, an awesomely brave leader, and a strong hot-headed protector. He thought he figured out his role a long time ago. They needed him to balance them out.

But now, he wasn't so sure.

What did he have to do to prove himself? Whoa, wait a second. He didn't have to prove himself. He's already done that time and time again. Like that time he saved his brothers from that giant parasitic wasp thing. Or saw the good in Leatherhead and befriended the giant crocodile when no one else would (He didn't understand how no one could see that Leatherhead needed their help in the first place). And then saved them from the squirrelanoids. The list goes on.

Not to mention he was a highly skilled trained perfectly capable ninja. He was totally awesome!

So why did his older brothers always put him down? Why couldn't they see how amazing he was?

Mikey sighed. The cold night air nipping at his skin. His legs dangled idly from his perch atop of a rooftop billboard.

Every day, they dealt with the fact that one or all of them might not come home. That knowledge weighed heavily on all of their hearts, especially Leonardo. They had seen a lot in the short time since they went to the surface and were thrust into this war between mutant aliens and ninja clans.

So Michelangelo had to be the light. Always lighthearted, always smiling. Hoping with all hope that he could keep his brothers out of their black thoughts.

But who would keep him out of his own?

He shook his head. He couldn't have these types of thoughts. It would contradict everything he stood for. The little turtle closed his eyes and took a deep long breath. How would he be able to light up the world if there was darkness hidden in his own heart?

So he pushed the sorrow back, deep inside him where it couldn't be reached.

At least for now.

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Wow. That was different for me I think. I'm so happy that I did this and finally uploaded something after all this time. Hopefully this will be a new trend of mine! Also I really hope to get my au out soon. We'll see. Thank you for reading and please review. It makes me so happy ^_^


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